What i s that........?

i can't see films that is ociated with torture especially whipping.There is a film called The crucible i have to see bec. i study it in my college.There is 1 scene where the master hit his servant with the whip as i read it in the book,and i can't bear seeing such a scene or even here the word ''whip''.i want to see it and at the same time i'm afraid.is it a fobia.what is wierd that i can see this scene if i'm alone and i will be also afraid,but i don't know.do u think i don't wanna anybody to see my re-action.plzzzzzzzz help